Let’s mix up my miserable adventures over the past 12 years (but especially the past 10 months) with some fun here. Yes, if I wanted and I had absolutely no standards, nothing else to do, endless energy and patience – I could have a date every night. That would be exhausting and totally useless exercise.
Most of the men on the three sites (absolutely necessary and that is another blog) that I subscribe to seem to have boundless energy and time. That is because a great many of them don’t have jobs. They lie. Yes ladies … they have been out of work. OFW. For years, months. Victims they say of “the baby boomer generation”. Basically they are the losers. They are hoping we are either rich widows, divorces, early retirees, or “independent” is a popular word commonly used in their profiles. Watch out if it is used more than once.
Yes, it has become necessary and unfortunate to ask these men what they do, how they do it and where. Perhaps they have a website? An updated website? Most professionals do. An address? Do they own a home? Ah … are they supporting a wife for the next decade or two? Or maybe they have twin babies age 6? A long way until college. NG.
It seems that the world of eligible men dwindled when I left college. Which is perhaps the reason I did not have a credit check done on my second husband who had neither disability insurance nor retirement at the age of 60 when we met. Not that he didn’t make a more than respectable living. Unless he dropped dead he would become worthless in his late sixties if he didn’t fall ill before. Then MOI would have been in deep shit considering I had become the “happy housewife” he wanted two years after we married. No promised vaca’s or dream house for me … that was all as real as the portfolio in the safe deposit box he didn’t have. My attorney is still amazed that a man who made as much as he, owned nothing at his age. Nothing. And to think I didn’t listen to either my girlfriends or that little voice inside…. “check him out” – but he sure put on the “Ritz” for me, and he sure blamed his financial problems of 60+ years on me. Ha! He was in deep mire long before he met me.
My point – my point is WHY I am writing this blog. Believe no one. I don’t care if he buys you the world at first. UNLESS you see it in writing, before you get serious, you have him checked out. And in order to avoid even getting to this horrible point – don’t get past the first date if something seems OFF.
Now you ask … what could seem off? In retrospect I recall my X toasting to his final child support and alimony payment not ten minutes after meeting him for the first time. Within 15 minutes he was touting how his financial situation was never better and he just purchased a condo. And within 30 minutes he was into bragging rights on his car, business and how although he had been married twice, he STILL believed in marriage. This ladies IS NOT APPROPRIATE FIRST DATE CONVERSATION. TMI. Oh – might I add … he had me booked for three weeks of dating by the end of the hour.
Moving along, this Internet dating gig is tricky. I have had at least 5 out of 5 men semi-stand me up. What does that mean you ask? Well, they make a date with me. I set the date aside. After all, there are ONLY 52 Fridays and Saturdays in the year. See, I only date on the weekends. So that gives me 104 possible dating nights. If we makes plans on a Monday, and I do not hear back by Wednesday from them with a definitive plan – I start to get suspicious. It usually means one of two things.
1.) They found someone more enticing. They think.
2.) They are not going to call – which is usually the case, if they do not call by Thursday.
Now, I have been surprised – a few men have had the audacity to call on the very day or night before, leaving me to wonder all week if they in fact were going to follow through at all. Which still makes it a MAN’S world. No way I am going to call a strange man. You know the saying … “if he wants to call you – he will.”
I have learned to go ahead and make other plans by Thursdays unless I really like the person, which is not often the case. Why? Because most of the time I never get past the first date. None of these losers look like their photos. And half of them dress like crap, speak poor English, have some major flaw, drive a car that is falling apart, spend the entire evening talking about themselves, or tell me they had a huge lunch and order appetizers. Very uncomfortable. There is a list of other unsavory findings I can add such as they have roommates because they are losing their homes, they share a home with their Mother or sister, they live in a hotel, they are not really divorced, its pathetic.
And beware of the QUESTIONS> when they start to ask you pointed questions about your finances. DO NOT ANSWER. If a simple “that is personal” does not suffice, then the date in your mind has ended. There is no respect on their end, and they are motivated to find this out for some reason. (That is another blog).
I don’t care if they are doctors, lawyers, stock brokers, dentists or architects. They rarely meet up with any expectation I have based on their profile. They lie about their height. 5’7 means 5’5. 185 lbs. means 215 lbs. 6’5 means 6’8. Jolly Green Giant. OMG. And what’s with the kissing? I have no idea why a man who has absolutely nothing to say of interest all evening would want to jam his wet, slimy tongue down my throat? Or even ask me out again? I didn’t think that we had a nice time? How could he possibly think we did? Was he there? Hello?
And this “let’s meet for coffee?” Sorry, it takes me as long to get ready and drive to meet some guy for coffee, as it does to meet him for dinner. And if he just wants to check me out, I’m too old for that. It’s date time. And by the way, me no meet for drinks with no food at bars. Get it? Me no college kid anymore. I don’t live in the city, and this is NOT “Sex in the City” and I am not drinking without food and driving. Sorry bud.
Go “Meet and Greet” someone else. I know. Bad attitude. No. But I now believe in short chats before I do make a date. One finds out a lot. At least I know if he’s a poor nebbish. I refuse to even entertain the thought of going out with another loser. Remember, you are who you hang out with. If you do not set your standards high and have high self-esteem, you will never feel good about yourself. Water seeks its lowest level. You do not want pond water.
I left the pond water behind – when I found out I was deceived because it had me thinking it was a waterfall. But it dried up. Beware. Do not answer personal questions on first, or even second dates. In fact, do not answer anything you feel uncomfortable answering. But by all means, YOU ask away. Carefully, and in a very coy manner. We are smarter than they are. Remember that. We have nothing to lose unless we get hooked up with one of these losers.
So smile, and remember, it’s better to stay home with your dog, your BFF or your favorite book, then go out just to go out. More on this later. Much more.