It’s pretty obvious stuff here. Unless we want to consider ourselves blind idiots. So when you see, hear or even suspect some of what I am about to share with you is ringing true, my advice is to prepare for the worse … or should I say “the better.” As in … BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM.
My second marriage sucked. Think that was mentioned. He was a liar and a fraud. In many ways. In the beginning I was treated like a shiny new Bentley. With pride and care and “love”…
Polished, shown off, pampered, spoiled and never a bad word spoken. All I had to do to make him happy was breath. Of course that was BEFORE we got married. Which took 9 months from meeting to engagement, and a total of 23 months from our first date. His complaining started after the engagement. Small red flag. (Did I mention that he gave me an ulcer that landed me in the hospital 3 months before the wedding for 8 days? I never had an ulcer.) Red flag. I figured it came with the territory of a man who had already married twice, and had nothing good to say about either wife.
Enter the questions. Mine. I mean does anyone find it unusual that I never saw one of the two places that he had a practice in for 6 years? A bit odd. And yes, it existed. Red flag. Why you ask did I not march in there on my own? That is a question only God can answer. I did not want to rock the boat. I listened to his bullshit excuses. Same with this income apartment building that I never saw. Ever. Never. To this day. Nor the income. Same with the money from the closing of his condo. Never saw the check or where the money went. His life was a complete mystery to me. Yet I was the blame for everything. I barely knew him.
My point is this. ASK QUESTIONS. If you get hostile answers, evasive answers, promises of answers, no answers, you should walk away. And if like me, you are stupid enough to marry the guy – then look for these signs that he is going to leave you. Because sure as shit he will leave you sooner than later. He is hiding something. Either that or he is just a lame, chicken shit of a man who has not got the decency to even say “good-bye” –
SIGNS – (At least these were my signs)
1.) He tells you that he wants to leave you. Yup, he outright tells you he wants to leave. Waits for your reaction.
2.) He tells you that he wishes you would find someone else you were happier with. Hmmm, and you thought that you were happy with him. Is he referring to himself?
3.) He moves into the other bedroom because he no longer can “get it up” (this once sex crazed man who could not take his hands off of you) and blames “no sex” on you not wanting it.
4.) He leaves you – it’s called a “dry run”. Yes, he does a test run for a few weeks, a few months, does not move all his stuff completely out but leaves you, still pays the bills – but is making a point that he CAN. Did I mention he did this when my father was dying? Yes, that was not convenient for him to have my “back” –
5.) He returns and has a completely different attitude. He now RULES. All of a sudden normal expenditures like food, your regular “beauty” appts., gym, repairs around the house, just about anything … all become a topic of constant monetary conversations that result in his loud shouting. So loud neighbors are frightened for YOUR life and call the police. Yup. He leaves again.
6.) Monetary expenditures escalate into ridiculous restrictions, all YOUR fault, despite his hefty salary (which you have NO idea where it goes and wonder why all of a sudden he is paying all of the bills LATE). Registered letters from the IRS get delivered to your front door. OMG. He tells you to marry someone rich ???? He gives you permission to date ????
7.) He gets up very early to “exercise” and does a combination of exercise in the “man cave” and combined walks outside. When he showers it takes exactly 63 seconds (timed) and he paces the hallway (before you even get out of bed) muttering “I am SOOOOOOO unhappy”, “you cunt”, “you whore” etc. “I wish I were dead”. Every word out of his mouth is hurtful, abusive and angry.
8.) He has the same three mantras when he arrives home, which now varies because his afternoon phone calls have stopped. You have no idea if he will even be hungry. And if he is, most likely you will be grilled on the price of the overly expensive cuts of whatever you purchased which surely have plunged him into financial ruin.
9.) He stops doing all the things he did that turn you on. The hair grows from his nose. He looks like your grandfather. He purposely smells. Who would want to have sex with him? He let his hair grow so now he looks like a character from “Goodfellas” or a bookie. (He was so cute when it was cut short and he knows it.) He stops wearing all the beautiful designer clothes you bought him and purposely, despite the freezing weather refuses to don the shearling or leather jacket. Asshole.
10.) Oh – the birthday, anniversary, holiday and little gifts stopped years ago. The obligatory flowers even stopped. Entertaining is at a minimum because no one can stand being around him (or you and him) anymore. You never met one of his friends. NEVER. Well, his partner who is no longer his friend.
11.) He does not want to be with your family. You are now hermitized. With him.
12.) You ask him (out of fear for your future) for important documents) and he goes into a violent temper tantrum and of course you never get the documents.
Basically, what I have outlined happens in different forms, different ways, different languages, different situations but is most feared by women like myself who gave up careers, years of our lives, to marry these jerks … we are caught in a cage. Afraid to make the first move – so we wait
I waited. And that is another blog.